Things I Learned: About Practice

 

 

“There is no amount of diet and exercise that will get you to the point you never have to worry about it again, same with money and enlightenment.” 

When I came to terms with this concept, it was a daunting experience. On one level I’m like:

“well fuck it then. Let me just do me and not worry about any of this shit since I can’t ever just get THERE.”

“I’m saying though: I go to the gym everyday, deny myself delicious foods and drinks, refrain from staying up late, and it’ll never be enough? I meditate every damn day, challenge my meandering and selfish thoughts, practice mindfulness, kindness, compassion and it’s never ever going to be enough?!”

“Nah. I can’t do it. All the time, for all my life? Nah.” 

That is the daunting side of this truth.

But paradox being what it is, there is also a relief to knowing there is no such thing as enough. I have seen the freedom in not worrying about being perfected.  I don’t have to look up after every workout or every retreat and measure my gains and losses. I can drop all ideas of getting something out of my activities and just relax into the pleasure of taking this kind of care of the body and the space I’ve been gifted.

In my experience, it is better to meditate than not. It is better to eat well than not. It is better to be kind and think positive thoughts, and be continuously present to the experience of being alive than it is not to do these things. I don’t need perfection or enlightenment to validate this life — the doing validates itself. 

A few weeks ago I shared a poem, “It’s Not Going To Work Out.” His words are an elegant way of illustrating what I have learned. The finished product is not the goal but

 “if you will start, and if you will continue with commitment, that will be enough.” 

K

Stories/Koans/Parables: An Unrecognizable Life Pt. 2

He was recently diagnosed with cancer and found himself in a Traditional Chinese Medicine office. He brought along his wife, as he’s done for every medical appointment he’s had since finding out. They sat across from the old doctor, explaining each of the interventions they’ve already tried. After they were done with the niceties, he looked up at the doctor and asked the question that most bothered him: “Why?”

“Why did this happen? HOW did this happen? How did I get here? Why did my body fail me? What does this mean?”

The doctor nodded and compassionately replied:

“Yes, we can go down that road. We can pull apart each of the causes and conditions that led to this. What you’ve done, who you’ve been, the things you’ve seen, activities you enjoy. And balance that discovery with who you’re not, the places you avoid, and the activities you ignore. We could do that. And at some point we will need to concede that the answer to your question is Everything; within and around you, before and after you, everything contributes to your answer.

Or we can do the other thing: We can design a new life for you — an unrecognizable life — in which what used to be for you, no longer is…and this new version of you consciously creates a desired outcome, with the help of Everything within and around you, before and after you.”

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What to say about this story?

If there is energy enough to complain and inquire, then there is energy for change. Last night, a client of mine realized how drastic life changes have come from taking a stand to be “part of the solution.” She’d spent 20 years IN the problem, feeding it, supporting it, hoping it would change. But it wasn’t until she came into the knowledge of her own power to make a change, did things begin to move in a better direction. Today she lives an unrecognizable life from just two years ago.

So I challenge you to take a step back and determine how you can create a life that is unrecognizable to your current self. Finally lose that weight? Take that class? Change jobs? Leave town? Take regular vacations? Go dancing?!

What is your Soul longing to become?

 

“Who I used to be, aint who I need to be.”

Things I Learned — “An Unrecognizable Life” Pt. 1

A quick story from earlier this Summer:

Katy is riding in our car with her madre. I had temporarily misplaced my ID a few days earlier so I was using my passport as backup identification for a while. It happened to be out next to her seat, so she opens it and looks inside.

Ya Boy, Circa 2003

“Katy, quien es?”

Katy looks at her mom quizzically (or so I’m told) and calmly replies. “That’s Kenneth, mom. You know that, like duh.”

Ok maybe I made up ‘like duh.” Anyway…

Her mother scrunches her face up and says:

“Eh? Noooooooo”

Katy looks at the picture and realizes the problem. She laughs. “Si mommy, es Kenneth.”

“Oh. Yo supuesto gente pueden cambiar. Hmm”

Now, my mother-in-law was never really keen on me and Katy’s pairing prior to this realization. She had many good reasons, considering the life I was living for the many years leading up to us finally getting together.  Most, if not all, of those old ways have since fell off and it’s obvious that Katy and I work really well as a couple. But it’s hard to erase the memory of your oldest child struggling and suffering through an on again/off again relationship with a ‘gringo negro’ you don’t even know.

But after that day in the car she’s been as kind to me as she’s ever been. It’s like a switch flipped in her mind by seeing the physical changes in my body — now she can see the other changes that have been made elsewhere in my life. The guy in that picture lacked a certain amount discipline, self-care, and focus. Very necessary things to lose weight, grow spiritually, heal emotionally, and (most importantly to her) be good to a beautiful and precious and selflessly giving woman.

Sometimes we have to change everything to get from point A to point B. We have to pack our stuff and move to a brand new state. We have to put away old hobbies and pick up new ones. We have to eat new foods. We have to cut some friends off altogether, and hold closer to the ones that really matter. We have to slowly create a life that looks nothing like the old one, so that one day we can look in the mirror and say: “Wow. Look at this.”

What better validation can one receive than that from a previously skeptical suegra? Yup, I’ll take it.

May you and I and everyone we know design unrecognizable lives, over and over, throughout this brief lifetime of ours.

K